my NEW blog!!!

yea. super cool! i've longed to creat a blog, but i always don have the time. now dat i'm like so super excited to capture every single moment man! yea. today's great! i'm getting another step closer to my goal. ya. i went to meet up wif kenny today and it's like GREAT!! ytd i was so stressed up by the conversation wif him. but wif much patience, determination & perserverance, i did something to this frenship and he opened up up me. i meet him up to hav lunch together. as usual, he wuld talk to me non-stop abt his gf. usually i'll hav difficulties consoling him as he will nv listen to them. but today's different. me and carol prayed abt it for 5mins and i think it works man!!! i spoke words dat hit him hard, i think? at the end of our conversation he tried to say things to touch me i think? no la, 'm not trying to sae he like me but i just feel weird. ha. he sae "don worry, if u feel dat u need to talk to someone, u can always look for me" and things like dat. i don really remember.

ED will be my classmate for 4yrs. we've been classmate for 2yrs but we only got really close when THAT happened. he's the first one i turned to. b'cos i'm meeting him dat day, so by concidence, i open up to him. he have always been there but i just don notice. at times i really feel dat i'm super slow. he's always ther doing this and that for me, but i don think i've done much for him or try to understand him until today. i've read his blog and was very sad but the same time touched by him. i really feel so guilty for not trying to understand him and sad dat he's unhappy. i'm so touched by his words. he nv stops worrying abt me and will constantly be there. till now, i den realised that i'm like so self-centered. i kept thinking of patching up wif her and nv really spend time wif him for the past few weeks. he said dat he wanted me and her back but at the same time he think dat he'll probably feel lonely if i was to be wif her. he's also wooried if they will treat me well if i'm back. tht's him. the guy who constantly worry abt me. so during the night i msg him. telling him abt how grateful i am. but i don think he understands why it was sent to him. he gave me a cold reply. we haven been talking to each other for days and it's like don noe how many million yrs to me. i think he forget abt me. i start to realise dat i should realli cherish him and our frenship. so, im gonna do something abt it!

carol busy wif her MISSION again. noe is like super late but she's still working dilligently. i worship her man. she nv stops working and is forever busy. she's so hardworking and committed to church. she had jus finished wrapping all the A3 size cards wif plastic bags. she's so funny, laughing at the air bubbles in the plastic bags and is playing wif it. she's my closes church member.but i treat her more than just member, but one of the closes fren too.

now, i'm back to the old self, -emotional. troubling wif the thought that abt whether i can overcome the fears that the incicent had brought me and that if i can lead my life normally. my everyday is all surrounded by all these fears which eventually make me an anti-social person. i anted to change, to be strong , to face and overcome it, but it's tough. i simply just cant get over it and i noe this is wat that's affecting me much. looking at a brighter side, i've realised that i'e overcome much too in some areas. so i tell myself, i'm going to use my past experiences to help those ppl that needed me. now, im reaching out to two person. one of them is kenny, tthe guy that i mentioned earlier. he's my softball coach and i came to noe him only recently when i joined softball as my second cca. after the 1st training i was waiting for edwin to go home together but that edwin was long at home, so i was walking to the 15 bus stop, waiting for the bus. as i was waiting, i saw kenny walking towards me. he approached me and we talked. at dat time i was quite uncomfortable as u noe, i'm normal, i cant talk to strangers, i'll get super nervous and scared. then, we exchanged our numbers. i thought by exchanging numbers, i could stop the conversation, but i as wrong. he's such a gd talker and just simply cant stop. he invited me to have dinner wif him, so i just followed. he was talking non-stop and me? i just kept quiet. i think i'm probably too quiet, cos for noe moment, he just stop talking. but another conversation was brought up again by him after abt 2-3 mins. after the dinner, he sent me home. on our way back, i ask he why he just stop talking just now. he told me that it's b'cos i was too quiet that he had nothing to say. ya. so that's him.