“My parents had a “shot-gun” marriage at the age of 19 and 20 for mummy and daddy respectively. True enough, they were too young to handle the cruelness of reality after the three of us were born. We lived in one-room flat and living conditions were really poor as they were both uneducated.
Being young at age, they were irresponsible. Mummy would leave us at our grandma’s place and went clubbing and partying with her friends. I’m not very sure where daddy were, as this was what my grandma ‘recite’ to me daily in my childhood days to remind my siblings and I of how unwanted and unloved we were.
From the time I remembered, daddy was a wife-beater. I don’t remembered why he abused us, but till now, I can still remember his scary eyes vividly though I was merely four years old. Each time, we would run to the nearest police post at our vicinity for rescue and mummy would step out, in front of us to shield us from the uncontrollable monster. This happens so often that the policemen became so familiar with us. Recalling now, the scene of mummy whole body bruised from the beaten vividly scarred in my memory. However, mummy did not leave daddy as I know she loved him very much.
Due to the desperation forced by poverty, mummy had to sleep with other men to ‘borrow’ money to provide for the three of us as her allowance as a dish-washer was too little, where daddy just rots at home. Rumors spread fast by the efficient Nosey Parkers in the market and I guess this was the reason why daddy became violent.
The misery did not last long, but should I consider it as a relieve or not, as it all ended when mummy passed away when I was merely seven. Perhaps to others and even my grandma, mummy was cheap, but in our eyes, she’s our ‘wonder woman’, she’s noble, she’s the best.
I can hardly remember my primary school days as I was often bullied by my schoolmates and even my relatives. However, I remembered I was quite a talented child.
This event I guess my siblings and I will never forget. When I was P2, my bro P4 and sis P5, my aunty (mummy’s sis) brought us Malaysia. However at the checkpoint, my bro’s passport had fault, they mercilessly abandoned him there and drove away, leaving this poor and helpless boy standing in the middle of the busy road at the checkpoint, flagging for kind Singaporeans to drive him back to town.
As I was promoted to Bedok North Secondary School as the top for PSLE aggregate, I promise myself I will not be bullied anymore, so I became rebellious and was blacklisted as the new most target student by my OM, DM, P and VP. I was so ‘popular’ that the whole school knew my reputation, as smart but rebellious. My teachers were most glad when I’m not in the class, so no one will disrupt their lessons. My mindset was, ‘the fiercer I am, the least people will try to bully me”. True enough, no one dared to bully me and them hypocritically tried hard to be my friends. I knew it, so I only had one soul mate.
Although I tried with all my might to protect and cherish this friendship, it last merely a year. With the great hope tarnished and pressures from my family as my uncle was in heavy debt, I broke into depression and commit suicide. On March 7, 2005, I was sent to Institute of Mental Health (IMH) for a week.. Then, I continued in my depression and refused to talk.
In January2006, I was almost sent to St Andrew’s Home for being rebellious. In my rebellious days, I committed rioting, illegal gathering, threatening, fighting, defiance, truancy, vandalism and providing false statement.
On July29, 2005, I started attending church. However I wasn’t strong until December 25, 2006 when I dedicated my life once again to God. This was the turning point of my life, of course, also with the help from my teachers too. They act as a’ part-time’ mummy to me when I needed motherly love most, provide advice for me and listened to me. Basically I can share with them anything under the sun, even my deepest secrets. Eventually, I was one of the top students 2007, graduating with 4As, 2Bs and 2Cs for my O’ levels.
I’m very grateful to them and I value kinship more than my life, I hope to keep up the good work and eventually impacted more youths as I share my experiences with them.
Once I heard this story of a star-thrower once from my pastor.
“One day, the wave washes all the star-fishes onto the shore. There were thousands of them which were dehydrating and dying. Sadden upon seeing these, the boy started picking up the star-fishes one by one and throw them back to the sea. A man walk passed and told the boy this,
“There are thousands of them, u can’t possibly save them all, don’t waste your effort.”
Boy: “I know I can’t save them all, but what I know is that for every one star-fish that I throw, I’m making that ONE DIFFERENCE! So, I’ll continue throwing and throwing.”
Though my strength alone is small, but as long as I know I can make that ONE difference, I’ll continue being a star-thrower.
STUDY HARD!!
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