i'm never the same

i have been transformed and i knew that. i can feel that in my heart. it's God. well, the friend that i've mention in my last posting have reconciliated with me. yea. praise the lord.

i will not feel insecure or unworthy anymore as i know, my greatest value is my value to God. and my father in heaven is consistent, he will love me unconditionally despite what's my past, what i've did. since i repented, he will forgive me. he loves me.

returning to church is a great challenge for me and of cause my time. but my catholic teacher have really been a great "discipler" to me. teaching me how to prioritise between studies and church. though i still is not very good at it and not coping too well, but i know God is watching over me and carrying me on his back. Faith, is the engine and God is the strength. the activities in church were 'overwhelming' me. and this means that i will have very little time to study. i don even have the time to sleep. i'm really worn out. there are days whereby i just fell asleep suddenly in the afternoon or evening and woke up the next day morning, without knowing it. this is really hard, but there is not a second that i'll complain or regret serving him or walking this walk. i just want to be so close to him. to enter into the highest level of intimacy with him. i just want to be so close to him. i love jesus.

ya, returning to church had drawn me away from Han. i wonder how is he? i think we are so far apart now. the last time i can at least guess what's on his mind,but now, i think we somehow lost this connection. guess that he will never understand my love for God and therefore not understand me. hmm, but whatever it is, Han's position in my heart will never change. i've even placed him in my priorities card. lol.

oh ya, my CG is disbanded. this means that all of us will be seperated soon. i wil miss all of them. yup. and that silly irritate idiotic Yue Ze too. haha. i cherishes all of them, Candice, John, KK, Joey, keith, Hui Ting, Xiu Li, Shawn, Sam, Carmen, Samuel. and probably yue ze will have the greatest impact on me because i have not been treating him well and i think i've really let him down. lol. he is just starting to taste some "sweetness" from me and then we must be separated. i have just start to really cherish him. haha. maybe he's just so 'suai' lol.