A Grasp Of Adulthood

i think i am really on my way to adulthood.

eventhough i really hate to admit it, i am starting to get a taste of adulthood. technically, i'm only 18, the supposed most youthful period of my life, but i cant help, but to start thinking of many mature isues.

things like, buying insurance for the protection of my family if anything mishaps should happen to me. start thinking and planning for my future career path. as Dr. A. R Bernard had preached the gate that i want to enter the society through. and definitely, BGR, which puzzled me quite abit.

frankly speaking, i think i'm quite a strong and "zai" person. there are very little times i will not know what to do. the most i will just feel very upset or hurt, and cry my heart out at the toilet all alone where no one can see me. and then move on, dry my tears and solve the problem.

however, when it comes to relationship, i am really stucked. i wont say i don know what to do, but it's more of uncertain about it. this is something so fragile. it will bring you on cloudnine with the sweetness of it, and yet scar the heart so badly at the same time. it will make you become irrational. i guess, the reason that i avoided it so much is because of the effort that i have put in to train myself to be rational all these years, since the last breakup. i remembered in the beginning when i first came to Darryl's cg, i would cry at every cgm. my heart was in such a pain all the time, especially at night that i could hardly breathe. and i would cry for help in my mind every night. then i made the inner vow to not want to experience the same pain anymore. for so long, that my heart will still feel a pinch of grievence when i watch a drama or listen to a song that reminds me of the pain. my heart had been so numb about love for so long, yes, i don have faith in LOVE.

and today, will be the day that i want to break free from it! because after svc just now, Darryl asked me about who do i like. and i immediately armed my heart with "i think i'm too young". stop running away, STOP! dint God prepare you for it in the beginning of the year? yes, you are prepared and ready for it now. you are no longer unstable and irrational to handle a relationship healthily. YES! jia you! i will be open to dates when people initiate! hah. =)

Let go, and move on. you are stronger now.