alone or lonely

today, she approached ed. this is probably one of the few times she will do such a thing. and there seem to be a sign of awkard. why? she wonders. xueni had been thinking of it for the whole weekend and this is the result. she told herself dat she will give up everyone, including belle for ed, but it's too late.. ed just gave her a cold look. and for dat moment, she just burst out. why? she's not those weak girls? nah, her heart's too heavy.

she is back to her old self again she thought. she hardly talk to anyone, and the smile on her face seem to be reducing. why?? after an incident on last thurs. she met a pervert on a bus which change her life? this reminds her of the past experiences again and all her fears. she missed belle. really. every morning she will try to take the same bus as her. though belle is cold towards her, but to xueni, she just wanna watch her. and it's only in the morning when they take the same bus then, she could be able to be so close to her.

now, even yanhan gave up on xueni. he didnt talk to her. they haven been talking for 4 days and it seems like weeks to her as yanhan is her only friend, but she thinks dat she will be losing her only frined soon too. why? why? she keep losing all her friends? ahe really feel so helpless abd lonely. like, even one day if she disappears in this whole, no one would really bothers, or worse, no one noticed. she had became so negative abt life. the cheerful and positive girl had pass away fromj the day that incident took place. for the past 4 months, she's just trying hard, struggling with all these. fears, loneliness, sadness, phobias... she needs someone, but who will be there for her? she looked around, no one seems to be there. she's all alone. coach? he promise her that he will be there, but he's the first one to leave her. and then everyone. they just abandon her. leaving her in the darkeness....