6 Hours Before Depature to Seoul

eh, i'll be leaving for Seoul in 6 hours time. it feels like a mixture feelings of excitement with 'sian-ness'. excited to go oversea, yet sian because i'll get homesick and miss my friends!!

waking up this morning, my best friend mugger meng sprained his neck. HAHA!! he said, "i can't lift up my head, i can merely roll my eyeballs up to look at people." LOL!!

okay, why did i randomly mention this fellow's BIG name? because i wanna compliment him "publicly" for his positive changes. he is more sensitive, willing to spare time for me, enjoys crapping with me (i supposed?) and most importantly, he is one of the pals i'll miss very very much when i'm in Korea.

not forgetting my freak ong too. that blur poke thought my departure date was 03 Dec. sotong!!

see ya in a week's time with lots of kimchis. LOL.

AND......... don't miss me too much, though i know i'm irresistable.

1st stun: dreams to reality; 2nd stun: your "unusual reponse"

just finished chatting with a long lost friend. realised all along, those blurry images which pops out on my brian occasionally weren't any dreams, they are memorises that i'd abandoned all these years. at that point of time i thought they were ugly and gross, so i chose to shut down that part.

yes, they were painful, very. but i think i've really been cleansed by the blood of Christ, though till now, the fact is that they are not beautiful supposedly, but their existence had a purpose. and it had brought me to who i am now. praise the Lord.

okay, back to main purpose of posting this. i think i am more stunned by my friend's response. i shared with him these, instead of comforting me, he blasted. i was stunned.

i said, "if your intention is 'i care for you' then you better change your tone, but if your intention is 'i am angry with you' then i'm fine with it, don't need to change your tone." actually, i know the answer, i know his answer eventhough he didnt say anything about it before he hung up. i know in his heart it was, "i care for you" but he was also kinda mad to say it, or rather, to tone down. if not he wouldn't ring me up in the middle of the night at 3 am just to check if i am fine, if i am still awake as i wasn't in a very great mood earlier on. neither would he get so perturbed with the fellow who revealed all the memories to me that he angrily asked me not to contact him and if he didn't care, he wouldn't get so worked up, he would be "i couldnt care much, cant be bothered". yes, i know i know, i knew it all and i really appreciates his effort, but i was just mad that why cant he just be softer to me? hello, all i needed was just COMFORT. plus, the expression for love is not raising your voice.

after chilling down, i tried to be understanding. like how i always tries to be, especially to him. i understand it's probably due to the fact that he doesn't know how to express his concern properly when it is mixed together with frustration. cause i was like that. (so now, i'm telling you, LEARN)

i just think, our first intention is to have a conversation which lift each other up, to encourage each other and to show each other our love and concern, so why did we end up so unhappily? why did we allow unnecessary events, miscellous things and people to destroy the 'supposed beautiful conversation'? it's not worth it.

so pal, sorry. i really think we need to sit down have have a heart to heart talk to sort it out. but this is not the right season now, untill evrything has chilled down. but we REALLY need to talk. lastly, really sorry for my impulsivity which caused all these unhappiness.

I'll be SHARPER

yea, having bad sore throat these few days.

especially thanks to aunty meng's concern:

MY: why are you sick?

XN: aiya, everytime i am very sad or after i cry i'll fall sick.

MY: then can u don't cry. next time?

yea. thank you thank you thank you for your care and concern. really apprecite it!!

yea, finally the Grooming Outreach is over, but don really think i did a good job. Darryl said i got to be sharper the next time, to pick up what is the most important thing about an outreach (which i think also, what is important to God), which is the Word. yea. i really agree with her. i missed out what's most important, the main purpose of having an outreach. probably kinda overwhelmed by the news of people not coming and focuses on the miscelleous things.

really need to thank Darryl, she spent so much money on getting new makeup set, disposable utensils and stuffs. i really appreciates her.

yea, Xueni jiayou man!!

REMINDER

just wanna write this post to remind myself of God's vision for me in the days when i'm weary in future.

today was arise and build service. it was great man!-awesome! Pastor Kong begin to challenge us to write down an area that we want to have breakthrough in, and this is something dat's gonna change our lives forever. i wrote about staying in JJ for the vision of starting a revival there and create a history there-set a new CCA and be the top student there though it seemed impossible now.

actually before writting, i had 3 things in my heart that i felt burdened for:

1. JJC: revival


2. JJC: academic


3. relationship

but Pastor said only one, the ONE that will change my life forever! so i got to be decisive and in line with God, so i chose the first one. God is faithful, He then assured me that the other 2 desires He have heard it and they will be followed as long as i seek Him and His kingdom first.

He also spoke to me in the area of relationship. He said, "I bless you with whatever you desires but you just got to WAIT". i replied, " let it be done according to Your word". i really want US to be in line with God and not just "Xueni and God's vision" but "Us and God". like, when i catch a vision or a rheme, i hope WE can be enthusiastic and full of faith together and not just "Xueni and herself is on fire". the same applies to myself. if he caught a dream, i want to share the same faith and excitement with him AS A FRIEND, FOR NOW. i really think we must build a strong healthy, relatable, understanding friendship which is consistantly in agreement, sharing the same conviction in this 2 to 3 years of moulding period.

i trust in the Lord. ;P