1st stun: dreams to reality; 2nd stun: your "unusual reponse"

just finished chatting with a long lost friend. realised all along, those blurry images which pops out on my brian occasionally weren't any dreams, they are memorises that i'd abandoned all these years. at that point of time i thought they were ugly and gross, so i chose to shut down that part.

yes, they were painful, very. but i think i've really been cleansed by the blood of Christ, though till now, the fact is that they are not beautiful supposedly, but their existence had a purpose. and it had brought me to who i am now. praise the Lord.

okay, back to main purpose of posting this. i think i am more stunned by my friend's response. i shared with him these, instead of comforting me, he blasted. i was stunned.

i said, "if your intention is 'i care for you' then you better change your tone, but if your intention is 'i am angry with you' then i'm fine with it, don't need to change your tone." actually, i know the answer, i know his answer eventhough he didnt say anything about it before he hung up. i know in his heart it was, "i care for you" but he was also kinda mad to say it, or rather, to tone down. if not he wouldn't ring me up in the middle of the night at 3 am just to check if i am fine, if i am still awake as i wasn't in a very great mood earlier on. neither would he get so perturbed with the fellow who revealed all the memories to me that he angrily asked me not to contact him and if he didn't care, he wouldn't get so worked up, he would be "i couldnt care much, cant be bothered". yes, i know i know, i knew it all and i really appreciates his effort, but i was just mad that why cant he just be softer to me? hello, all i needed was just COMFORT. plus, the expression for love is not raising your voice.

after chilling down, i tried to be understanding. like how i always tries to be, especially to him. i understand it's probably due to the fact that he doesn't know how to express his concern properly when it is mixed together with frustration. cause i was like that. (so now, i'm telling you, LEARN)

i just think, our first intention is to have a conversation which lift each other up, to encourage each other and to show each other our love and concern, so why did we end up so unhappily? why did we allow unnecessary events, miscellous things and people to destroy the 'supposed beautiful conversation'? it's not worth it.

so pal, sorry. i really think we need to sit down have have a heart to heart talk to sort it out. but this is not the right season now, untill evrything has chilled down. but we REALLY need to talk. lastly, really sorry for my impulsivity which caused all these unhappiness.