i was reading all my friends' blogs again, all at a shot, like i always used to. this time round, i tried to click on one which had been shut to private for a long time. i'm not sure i was just having the "try my luck" attitude to see if it'll be available for me again, but i'm certain that i do care very much, that's why i bother to try. i miss her so badly.
nevertheless, like i always used to, i am upset after reading those post. i feel, i'm the one that made her leave, i'm the one that disappoints her, i'm the one that is hypocritical that she had complaint about all this while. i cried when i told Joel about this, my heart feels heavy with much guilt. probably i'll need to clarify my thoughts with Darryl soon. i really miss her.
i miss you, Van.
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