Even The SOT Prep Class Was Great!

first day of the SOT prep class was simply awesome! God's presence was so strong in the class! my mind was constantly reminded of wat Darryl has told me, " SOT is very good, don waste the experience!" bearing it in my mind 24/7, i kept reminding myself to be the most attentive and enthusiastic student with amens and respond all the time. i know dat God is really doing a great work through me right now, cant wait for His final product.

Have Faith! =)

I'm So Sorry For Not Being A Great Friend

i wont deny the fact that many times, i feel really lousy about myself and feel like isolating myself.

i havent been a great friend to people around me, i guess. firstly, i only found out my JC best friend broke up with her boyfriend after 2weeks. secondly, my friend run away from his case to another country, and i found out only 2 months later. thirdly, my ex favourite memeber that i used to follow up on is a hardcore drug addict for at least half a year, and i only found out recently, and lastly, all these while, my IRON2 isnt feeling good and struggling with lots of hurts and i was so insensitive to her. not meeting her needs is already bad enough, i was so firm with her still. so what if i managed to win in the conversation, she doesnt need it at that point of time. what she needed was some comfort and a pair of listening ears, a friend that she can rely on. now that she doesnt want to see me anymore, i start to realise how important she is to me. all my joy was brought by her presence in my life. i've never felt so suppported and confident in doing God's works before i knew her. so what if she always talk back at me, so what if she like to make fun of me, so what if i was sometimes offended by her, why should i be so petty and calculative to my precious family? how nasty can i be man.

i really don know what i can do to help them, all i can do is to pray. eventhough i believed in God's science and wonders, but i feel so helpless.

JIA YOU, xueni!!!

My Job Hunting Experiences

oh man, i can finally understand why i used to hear the adults complaining about the difficulties in finding a job. I always used to think jobs are available everywhere, it's just that if the finder is dilligent enough to take up the challenge or not. but i'm totally wrong!

my job hunting started in dec after my A levels last paper. well, if i got to consider serious hunting, it's in jan. it is a month already and i'm still jobless!!! okay, i got to admit that there are PLENTY of jobs available, probably i'm too fussy in the type of job, the industry, the company profile, their culture, the salary and the location. i want to find a job that can aid to open doors for me in my entertainer businesswoman vision, and not just any other jobs to kill time or earn extra pocket money.

i've already gone for 7 or 8 interviews, but none was successful. it's either i rejected them due to a mismatch of culture, or due to my high external commitment level activities, i cant work shift work as what was required in most of the positions that i'm VERY interested in. many times, i would question if anyone from our church is in the industry that i want to work in, and how do they find a negiotiation balance with the employer that they are willing to hire them. LOL.

i am many times, i am discouraged and feel REALLY like giving up, but i just got to keep pressing on man!

earnest + persistent + specific prayer!

Loving People Is Not Easy

we're called to love people fervently, it's definitely not easy. i'm not very sure how the others will grade me according to that, but if i have to grade myself, i guess i'll still think i need a much bigger heart with extreme capacity of patience!

Jia You, Loving people FERVENTLY!!!

I Am A David Because You Are Courageous

my new year eve and new year day seemed to be combined into a single day. probably like what Bernard said, "when you enjoyed the company, time passes really fast."

on the eve, we had our 2009 zone appreciation, didnt expect for our team to win the 60 sec of fame, i guess it's probably God's reward to us even as we faithfully obey Him to carry on with our performance eventhough we had numerous frustrations and miscommunication. Pearly did really well! =)

Darryl, nominated me as for the David award-"Courage Award". the hosts announced that it's the most important or biggest award of the day or something. this wasn't the first time i got such an award and being honoured in public, and i wasn't really excited like i suppose to when i received it. In fact, i'm more touched because Darryl was standing next to me, more excited because Geo ran with me in my 2009 race, felt more loved because Siying loved me so much, felt more proud because Ginger feels proud of me. and not forgetting the rest of my family-w372 and those who really loved me, Carol, Gloria, Jia hui, Daniel, Xianbi, Chin Por. i appreciate the journey more than the reward, and i truely thank God for it.

there are some statements people made to me that really stayed in my mind and my heart.

Geo: "No matter who win the award, we'll still feel as honoured and proud because we're in the same family"

yea, this is the greatest expression of love and i know she really mean it, she's not at all disappointed that her dance group didnt win but feels more proud because WE won!

Geo: "You deserve the David Award!"

i really think that she's the David and not me. i wont be able to be one if she didnt support me and push me.

Siying: "i'm so proud of you"

i always thought no one can melt my heart again with this phrase except for Ming Jin and she did. when she really mean it from her heart, i'm touched. =)

Gloria: "you've proven to us again and again that nothing is impossible!"

i am not, but Darryl is, she really is. wanted to tell Darryl so much that i am a david because she is courageous and her courage is so contagious!

Pearly: "thank you for insisting..."

i should thank brian and her for trusting in my persistance eventhough they really cant bring themselves to agree with it.

John: "thank God you didnt backslide the last time when i scold you, if not we'll lose a gem"

EVERYONE is a gem, we polish it by keep trusting and loving them, just like how MJ, Darryl and Carol trusted and loved me.

thank God for redeeming me. =)

I Love "Brother MJ and Sister Darryl" Hah. =P

Went to sing K togehter with Geo, Gab and Tallie this afternoon. Cant help to start reciting about the interesting encounters with the 3 people that i really looked up to-MJ, Darryl and Carol. i told them about how i used to act cute infront of "Brother MJ", at that time, whenever he was about to scold me, by calling him Uncle MJ. haha, He would then give me that "should i scold you or laugh" face! LOL. i also told them about "Sister Darryl's" long thick and black locks! but i think she suit shorter hair, she looks sweeter and more charismatic! hahah. that was the old good time 4 years back where i was still the youngest in both of "Brother MJ's" CG in Pastor Audrey's zone. Wah, time really files and i'm soon entering into the 5th year from the start of my transformation in my life!

i used to ask Darryl why she'll come to Bedok North as her portfolio 4 years back, and she just said she felt led. Recalling the past from now, it was really a long journey and alot of price to pay before winning me to God-the amount of tears shed by Carol, uncountable phone calls by "Brother MJ"! Sometimes i hope to be alittle thick-skined to think that God placed this burden in Darryl's heart 4 years back to come to Bedok North, making so much effort, bringing her whole team, just to make sure i get to God's side. HAHAHAH!!

Now that i've grown up and able to take care of people, eventhough mostly are older than me, LOL, i'm prepared to pay equal amount, or even more for the next generation, to make sure they are TOTALLY won to God's side, because i'm REALLY REALLY REALLY grateful that MJ,Darryl and Carol didnt give up on me, this ultimate needy kid 4 years back. and praise the Lord, we have some new kids in the cell, i think it's a start of an interesting and heartening story of transformations, that will be mixed with tears, anger, frustrations and much more love, joy and laughters!

My Dream

i got to really STEP OUT!

i received double impartation last weekend. hah, as i went for both weekend services and was being prayed for by Pastor Kong twice! hah. since i was being prayed for, i will receive an impartation, so got to obey and use it wisely!

the sermon was about Dream...
it seems like a double affirmation that God wants to assure, for my disbelief and uncertainty, so He planned for me to attend the same sermon twice!

actually, i've dreamt about it since i was a kid, probably 8 or 9? i always thought i was being a copycat of my sis' dream, so as i grow up, i thought less of it. probably i AM quite shy about it, eventhough i appear loud and out-going, i am actually quite shy and have a BAD stage fright! hence as i grow up, ill be embarrassed to mention this fream to anyone, because i was uncetain of myself and the future living for it. i guess, since God has called me to step out, eventhough He didnt utter anything more then just "be an entertainer in the Asian industry that is as reputable and respectable as A Mei", i just got to have an obedient heart to obey. one thing that Pastor Kong say really strike me, "even if there is no CHC, no future or luxurious life, i still feel honoured to just be able to walk with Jesus!". i was like, "WOW!" eventhough i'm still too young to own a heart like that for Jesus, but i want to have a heart that's after Him.

Cant wait for the transformation! oh yes, my dream is to be an entertainer, especially to sing! =)

I Need Him

Have i received an impartation from Pastor Kong today? He layed hand on me! LOL.

Recently feels a little dry. like, numb, layed back and stuffs, but each time i just forces myself to leave the house to work, meet friends, go to church and cg. hah, guess this is absolutely normal for EVERONE. thank God for His strength that upon me so that i don allow my flesh to have control over my heart.

well, we're gonna end 2009 soon in a few weeks time, what have i accomplished and regrets that i have for this year?

my greatest achievement for the year is probably being able to grow stronger with God and healing of all the wounds i had previously in my heart and turn it into my weapon when someone needs me. these experiences really became mireals to my life, enabling me to empathise with people more and makes my heart bigger.

as of regrets... Hmmm, i guess it's concerning my days in JJ, i dont think i'm a faithful student.


hah, i've realise a thing, i'm more and more dependent on God man! when i was much much younger, i hardly pray, until Carol forces me to and i'm perfectly fine with it. but now, even when i don pray or read the bible a day, i'll think i've lost control over my life, it feels really helpless an lost! He's like the drug and i'm the drug addict, or cigratte to a smoker! i dont think i can ever live happily without Him.

i finally realised this "it not God who needs me, but i need Him!"

JJ Prom 2009

Just had my prom yesterday. although it wasnt as boring as what eeling had discribed, but i thought it was still kinda disappointing sas we didnt manage to go out after it. since prom is to have FUN!

i took numerous photos, my mouth was acheing from smiling and i could see stars from those flashes. haha.

anyway, i'm gonna miss my JC friends and all the abrupt memories i had with them. LOL.

MJ Zone Day Camp 1

WOOHOO! went for MJ zone Day Camp1, it's really fun. (not physically though) i was really challenged at a few points when Ming Jin and Darryl shared abt reaching out to my campus and meeting the needs of others.



i really believe God has placed me in JJ for a mighty HUGE harvest that is on its way especially for the Prom Outreach, that i got to seriously pray and fast for it in order to hear directions from God. Cant wait for my classmates to become my new family members! =)

My Great Week! =)

this week's sermon was great! i have many great revelations and it's really a word for me in this season to assure me of many burdens i have. =)

i told Darryl this a few month ago, that i feel burden for my results. why i had experieneced breakthroughs in all areas of my life except academic, and i was burdened. Darryl, just told me there's a season for it. and it may also be a time for me to be more brokened before the Lord. true enough, Pastor Kong preached "5 Divine Delays"-one of it "There are other things God wants to do first" and the scene with Darryl immediately came into my mind! Yea, God wants to deal with my character first!

we had the best birthday celebration for Darryl today! everyone just stepped out in faith to act, dance and sing even if it means some discomfort. that's all out of love, i guess, and i cant be more proud of EVERY SINGLE ONE of them. =)

i was so touched that i cried AGAIN on Darryl's birthday! hah. i didnt even cry on mine! LOL. she's a really awesome family to me and there is just no right word to describe the love and appreciation i have for her in my heart. =)

Happy Birthday, Darryl. I love you very much! =)

No matter what happens, I'll still praise God!!

Seeking God in Times of Need

Finally, i've managed to sort out my thoughts! it wont be able to hunt me or cause me to be defeated anymore! also thanks to Geo for listening, really appreciate her. =)

for the past 2 weeks, many thoughts have been in my mind, most are what will isolate myself with people and God. many times, i'll just give myself the mind power to think positively or to remind myself of God's promises in my life, yet i know that my heart had been corrupted by all the thoughts of defeats.

however, He is really faithful in times when we're faithless!

God of my Banner, He comforted and cheered me on when i'm really down and depressed. i no longer depend on which ever powerful preacher's motivational sermons or which ever leader's wise advice to light up a little candle of inspiration in my heart for the engine to move. i merely seek after the Source of my Strength, Himself.

i've realised, those sermons can only lead me to new revelations, inspirations or even excitements, but i got to understand, the preachers are just man, our Big Boss' servant. i cant depend on the sermons alone to lift me up. the most important thing i've missed out is to seek Him, the source of ALL revelations, inspirations and excitements, in my tent!

in 1 cor 1, a heading wrote, "Sectarianism is sin"

bringing this in line with the sermon that was being preached during cell 2 weeks ago, about "do i take more pride in the church i'm worshipping at, the zone that i'm in, the cell that i'm in, or Christ?"

Now, a question from me, "do i depend more on the sermon that a particular all-time-favourite dynamic preacher is preaching or the source of the preacher's revelation, our Mighty God?" yea, start seeking God for directions and comfort!

Amen! =)

hah, just got back from Halloween Party! I had some fun, but i thought it'll be better if Geo, Gab, John, KS, Vint, Yi Quan, Van, Weilin, Meiyan, Trish, Guoen and Mingjie were there! Greedy me! kinda miss our w372 FULL FORCE, but i have faith, there our FULL FORCE will unite as one on a particular special day, SOON!! hahahahaahhahahaahahaha.

well i think i've caught a revelation today, about renewing my mind as an individual, a friend and especially as a leader!-managing my expectations and God's image.

Please please please Yeo Xue Ni, don't set too high a target for others and expect them to fly there without you yourself reaching there first. LOL. i need to merely, talk less listen more, have a pure love for my friends and that's it! stop guessing people's heart and try to find the right word that will fit beautifully into their hearts like a jigsaw puzzle. i'm not God, this is God's job, not mine. so i got to just stay who i am, a steward, and watch my Master do His wonders! hah. Amen!

my 2nd revelation is about God's image! how wonderful it is to be able to know my Dad more! well, sometimes i do find it hard to "reach-out" or to "follow-up". i guess i was too caught up by all these terms and strategies. Yes, they are good and effective tools acquire by our pioneer leaders to make our lives now easier. but more than a formula, does my heart and soul commits? last time i'll have this "HAHAHA, i can reach-out" thought in my mind once i know a new person and will by all means get their contact. (BUT, i've already repented. LOL) but just how many people have stayed because of this?-NONE!

Come on, our God is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient! didnt we know all these? then why do we have to desperately chase after souls and feeling terrible all the time about attendance?! our God is the most attractive Person that we don't even need to promote or advertise! yes, we would love to share the gospel, but not slog through the gospel! people will just naturally be attracted to us and want to know more of "the secret to our successes and happiness" that all bookstore and library shelves hold which will never go obsolete. HAHAHAH. so why be so stressed? Relax! it is important, but do it together with God.

Amen!

"No oxen means you have very little mess in your life but you'll also not enjoy increase, expansion and abundance.
Many oxen mean great increase, but also bigger mess. We must be prepared to clean up the mess people make sometimes- not to complaint about it, criticize them but clean it up. Say sorry for others, put things right and move on." According to Pastor Phill.

thank God for these big messes in my life over the years man! (i sound like a saddist)

i must admit that my heart frustrates, angered, irritated, hurts, cried in pain each time i was sent to the wilderness. and every next wilderness, it get tougher! just like playing some games, i got leveled up! LOL.

however, each time when i cried before God, He patiently heals my wounded heart and allows me to have greater understanding of His heart-He's more interested in my character than my comfort. Because He knows i can be the solution, that's why He had sent me. What a previllage to be sent to the wilderness by God!

Jia you jia you, i will make a difference for my family! =)

I Miss You

i was reading all my friends' blogs again, all at a shot, like i always used to. this time round, i tried to click on one which had been shut to private for a long time. i'm not sure i was just having the "try my luck" attitude to see if it'll be available for me again, but i'm certain that i do care very much, that's why i bother to try. i miss her so badly.

nevertheless, like i always used to, i am upset after reading those post. i feel, i'm the one that made her leave, i'm the one that disappoints her, i'm the one that is hypocritical that she had complaint about all this while. i cried when i told Joel about this, my heart feels heavy with much guilt. probably i'll need to clarify my thoughts with Darryl soon. i really miss her.

i miss you, Van.

My Precious Friend, Val

Opening the envelop to realise it's these photos really racked up a strong sense of nostalgia. I really missed those times we used to stay up the whole night to give each other mock exam, make birthday cards for our cell mates, rush for bell and service together. We practicaly stick to each other everyday! Hah. And finally we've graduated. She was awarded the Best Art Student and myself, Top 10 in School at the Speech Day. I still remembered we weren't allow to receive the awards initially due to our informal outfit. Then, we pushed to the backstage, borrowed uniform from our juniors. Lol. And these pictures were taken then.

I really miss her. :)

My Greatest 18th Birthday! Thanks to All of You =)

i had the greatest birthday ever year!

although i had celebrated my birthday with mountainous of books on the actual day, but the following celebrations were good.

i wasnt excited about my birthday at all because of Ong's influence. hah, she kept saying it's A levels, very sian, dont have the mood to celebrate and i was feeling the same way too initially.

at 12am of my birthday, my phone kept ringing! it was calls from all my dearest friends who stayed up especially wanting to wish me Happy Birthday at the first second! they made me feel so excited about my birthday!

Geo spent three days making a beautiful present for me (according to her, but i haven receive it. LOL!)

Pearly baked cheesecake for me (although it melted, so she threw it away. =( actually i don mind eating the melted cheesecake. i think she must be realy disappointed. sigh. =(

Val planned a birthday surprise party together with her family to celebrate with me, plus her self-made strawberry cheese cake! (her first time making cheesecake, and she don normally especially plan any party for anyone!)

Joel, Geo, Mei Yan and kiat treated me to Swensens'!! LOL.

thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks!!!!!!!!!!! i just cant write enough to express my appreciation.

thank you all for making me feel special.

i love u! =)

looking back, i felt i've grown so much. longer dwelling in self-pitiness or creating unnecessary problems like how i used to when i was much younger. since when have i become so brave? HAHAH.

well, i've beening thinking, or rather, be reminded of a certain area of my life that i've been trying to ignore all these while. don worry, i just praised myself, so i'm not going to get emo. LOL. just think that i still have not had a clear stand in my heart. i wont escape, but i just wanna put it aside first and focus on more important things like A levels, w372 family, my family and God. but nevertheless, he is someone really precious in my heart, a friend that i cherish. i just cant give enough to thank him for sharing his family to me when i needed the most in the past.

had a great time with Jeff on Mon. this really changed the impression i used to have about him. haha. i really enjoyed his company for the lst time. lol. cos i feel we have this connection and it's not a one-way conversation anymore. he'd grown so much, so proud of him!! but i still cant stand the part where he tried to link himself and i together, as in we're dating. LOL. he said, " baby, i'll love u and cherish you...." and stuffs like that to me, looking into my eyes. well, though it's just a demostration from him, but i felt kinda disgusted, i wanted to burst out laughing so much! don get me wrong, it's not him dat is disgusting i must clarify, i just feel uncomfortable. he told me he's desprate to get himself a wife now. well, i hope he don ever target me! hahah.

in the midst of preparing for A'levels now. left with barely 50 days, jiayou! don ever limit God's abundant wisdom Xueni! =)

Proverbs 22:13 ‘The lazy man says, “there is a lion outside! I shall be slain in the streets!”‘.

The unwilling have no faith. Courage comes to the willing hearted. There’s always a way through but the lazy soul, the unwilling spirit will never find it.

How selfish is the lazy heart! If there was a lion, we should go out & slay it. ‘Solve the problem”‘. Don’t make it an excuse for inaction. The lazy person is more concerned about themselves than others.

The lazy person invents problems that don’t even exist to excuse themselves from work. Jesus told us to release ‘workers’ into the harvest because people who work hard will reap the harvest & destroy the devils work in the process.

Romans 8:5 ‘For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.’

Here is one of the simplest keys to living an extraordinarily powerful life. – If you think about the Holy Spirit you will live in the Spirit. Incredible!

You will live in the ’spirit’ of what your mind dwells on. If you think on the things of flesh you’ll live there. Think flesh – live flesh – death. Thnk Holy Spirit – live spirit – life & peace. What is your mind set on?

You think about what you watch, listen to, read, write & speak. This shapes our thinking. Be careful what you hear!

Put you mind on the Spirit, the Word, God & the visions you have for God & you’ll walk in the Spirit & His power.

Lets go to work!



As i was browsing through the net to get some motivations to start cracking, i founded these on Pastor Phil's blog.

well, this shouldn't persist, while it is good to read from their revelations to have greater understanding, the excitement comes from inside out and not always the other way round!

Pastor Jeffrey, from Indonesia, once shared during Leaders' Meeting on Self-leading. in order to leader people, which includes our leaders, we need to first lead ourselves WITH EXCELLENCE!! well, have i achieve that? Am i doing and working hard enough to achieve that?

recently, there are lots of things which bother me-member's well-being, cell attendance, rate of revision, personal growth.

i guess, because i love Darryl very much, just as the others, i really wanna give her a surprise when she comes back. the only thing i can do now is taking good care of all my friends in the cell, giving them this sense of "togetherness" so that they wouldnt wanna leave this place anymore. this is greater than any material gifts i can buy with money.

this period when Darryl isn't around, the greatest thing i've learnt is UNITY. not only have i learnt to break off that appalling impression i used to have with joel, i've learnt to obey and support his leadership. he not just someone God placed over me, but Darryl. He's the representation of Darryl. i wanna protect our family. thank God for that.

well, in the midst of fighting this spiritual battle together with all my friends from the cell, i have to learn to revise for A levels with God's unlimited wisdom and understanding. to draw down His revelations for the subjects that will be tests and not just in normal daily life. another word, is to apply God into my school life. there shouldnt be a separation of school life and church life in the first place. yea, learning to "chew and walk at the same time".

Let's focus our thoughts towards the Holy Spirt, the Word, God and His visions on us!

The greatness in a dream is how many dreams that it holds!