I Love "Brother MJ and Sister Darryl" Hah. =P

Went to sing K togehter with Geo, Gab and Tallie this afternoon. Cant help to start reciting about the interesting encounters with the 3 people that i really looked up to-MJ, Darryl and Carol. i told them about how i used to act cute infront of "Brother MJ", at that time, whenever he was about to scold me, by calling him Uncle MJ. haha, He would then give me that "should i scold you or laugh" face! LOL. i also told them about "Sister Darryl's" long thick and black locks! but i think she suit shorter hair, she looks sweeter and more charismatic! hahah. that was the old good time 4 years back where i was still the youngest in both of "Brother MJ's" CG in Pastor Audrey's zone. Wah, time really files and i'm soon entering into the 5th year from the start of my transformation in my life!

i used to ask Darryl why she'll come to Bedok North as her portfolio 4 years back, and she just said she felt led. Recalling the past from now, it was really a long journey and alot of price to pay before winning me to God-the amount of tears shed by Carol, uncountable phone calls by "Brother MJ"! Sometimes i hope to be alittle thick-skined to think that God placed this burden in Darryl's heart 4 years back to come to Bedok North, making so much effort, bringing her whole team, just to make sure i get to God's side. HAHAHAH!!

Now that i've grown up and able to take care of people, eventhough mostly are older than me, LOL, i'm prepared to pay equal amount, or even more for the next generation, to make sure they are TOTALLY won to God's side, because i'm REALLY REALLY REALLY grateful that MJ,Darryl and Carol didnt give up on me, this ultimate needy kid 4 years back. and praise the Lord, we have some new kids in the cell, i think it's a start of an interesting and heartening story of transformations, that will be mixed with tears, anger, frustrations and much more love, joy and laughters!

My Dream

i got to really STEP OUT!

i received double impartation last weekend. hah, as i went for both weekend services and was being prayed for by Pastor Kong twice! hah. since i was being prayed for, i will receive an impartation, so got to obey and use it wisely!

the sermon was about Dream...
it seems like a double affirmation that God wants to assure, for my disbelief and uncertainty, so He planned for me to attend the same sermon twice!

actually, i've dreamt about it since i was a kid, probably 8 or 9? i always thought i was being a copycat of my sis' dream, so as i grow up, i thought less of it. probably i AM quite shy about it, eventhough i appear loud and out-going, i am actually quite shy and have a BAD stage fright! hence as i grow up, ill be embarrassed to mention this fream to anyone, because i was uncetain of myself and the future living for it. i guess, since God has called me to step out, eventhough He didnt utter anything more then just "be an entertainer in the Asian industry that is as reputable and respectable as A Mei", i just got to have an obedient heart to obey. one thing that Pastor Kong say really strike me, "even if there is no CHC, no future or luxurious life, i still feel honoured to just be able to walk with Jesus!". i was like, "WOW!" eventhough i'm still too young to own a heart like that for Jesus, but i want to have a heart that's after Him.

Cant wait for the transformation! oh yes, my dream is to be an entertainer, especially to sing! =)

I Need Him

Have i received an impartation from Pastor Kong today? He layed hand on me! LOL.

Recently feels a little dry. like, numb, layed back and stuffs, but each time i just forces myself to leave the house to work, meet friends, go to church and cg. hah, guess this is absolutely normal for EVERONE. thank God for His strength that upon me so that i don allow my flesh to have control over my heart.

well, we're gonna end 2009 soon in a few weeks time, what have i accomplished and regrets that i have for this year?

my greatest achievement for the year is probably being able to grow stronger with God and healing of all the wounds i had previously in my heart and turn it into my weapon when someone needs me. these experiences really became mireals to my life, enabling me to empathise with people more and makes my heart bigger.

as of regrets... Hmmm, i guess it's concerning my days in JJ, i dont think i'm a faithful student.


hah, i've realise a thing, i'm more and more dependent on God man! when i was much much younger, i hardly pray, until Carol forces me to and i'm perfectly fine with it. but now, even when i don pray or read the bible a day, i'll think i've lost control over my life, it feels really helpless an lost! He's like the drug and i'm the drug addict, or cigratte to a smoker! i dont think i can ever live happily without Him.

i finally realised this "it not God who needs me, but i need Him!"

JJ Prom 2009

Just had my prom yesterday. although it wasnt as boring as what eeling had discribed, but i thought it was still kinda disappointing sas we didnt manage to go out after it. since prom is to have FUN!

i took numerous photos, my mouth was acheing from smiling and i could see stars from those flashes. haha.

anyway, i'm gonna miss my JC friends and all the abrupt memories i had with them. LOL.

MJ Zone Day Camp 1

WOOHOO! went for MJ zone Day Camp1, it's really fun. (not physically though) i was really challenged at a few points when Ming Jin and Darryl shared abt reaching out to my campus and meeting the needs of others.



i really believe God has placed me in JJ for a mighty HUGE harvest that is on its way especially for the Prom Outreach, that i got to seriously pray and fast for it in order to hear directions from God. Cant wait for my classmates to become my new family members! =)

My Great Week! =)

this week's sermon was great! i have many great revelations and it's really a word for me in this season to assure me of many burdens i have. =)

i told Darryl this a few month ago, that i feel burden for my results. why i had experieneced breakthroughs in all areas of my life except academic, and i was burdened. Darryl, just told me there's a season for it. and it may also be a time for me to be more brokened before the Lord. true enough, Pastor Kong preached "5 Divine Delays"-one of it "There are other things God wants to do first" and the scene with Darryl immediately came into my mind! Yea, God wants to deal with my character first!

we had the best birthday celebration for Darryl today! everyone just stepped out in faith to act, dance and sing even if it means some discomfort. that's all out of love, i guess, and i cant be more proud of EVERY SINGLE ONE of them. =)

i was so touched that i cried AGAIN on Darryl's birthday! hah. i didnt even cry on mine! LOL. she's a really awesome family to me and there is just no right word to describe the love and appreciation i have for her in my heart. =)

Happy Birthday, Darryl. I love you very much! =)

No matter what happens, I'll still praise God!!

Seeking God in Times of Need

Finally, i've managed to sort out my thoughts! it wont be able to hunt me or cause me to be defeated anymore! also thanks to Geo for listening, really appreciate her. =)

for the past 2 weeks, many thoughts have been in my mind, most are what will isolate myself with people and God. many times, i'll just give myself the mind power to think positively or to remind myself of God's promises in my life, yet i know that my heart had been corrupted by all the thoughts of defeats.

however, He is really faithful in times when we're faithless!

God of my Banner, He comforted and cheered me on when i'm really down and depressed. i no longer depend on which ever powerful preacher's motivational sermons or which ever leader's wise advice to light up a little candle of inspiration in my heart for the engine to move. i merely seek after the Source of my Strength, Himself.

i've realised, those sermons can only lead me to new revelations, inspirations or even excitements, but i got to understand, the preachers are just man, our Big Boss' servant. i cant depend on the sermons alone to lift me up. the most important thing i've missed out is to seek Him, the source of ALL revelations, inspirations and excitements, in my tent!

in 1 cor 1, a heading wrote, "Sectarianism is sin"

bringing this in line with the sermon that was being preached during cell 2 weeks ago, about "do i take more pride in the church i'm worshipping at, the zone that i'm in, the cell that i'm in, or Christ?"

Now, a question from me, "do i depend more on the sermon that a particular all-time-favourite dynamic preacher is preaching or the source of the preacher's revelation, our Mighty God?" yea, start seeking God for directions and comfort!

Amen! =)

hah, just got back from Halloween Party! I had some fun, but i thought it'll be better if Geo, Gab, John, KS, Vint, Yi Quan, Van, Weilin, Meiyan, Trish, Guoen and Mingjie were there! Greedy me! kinda miss our w372 FULL FORCE, but i have faith, there our FULL FORCE will unite as one on a particular special day, SOON!! hahahahaahhahahaahahaha.

well i think i've caught a revelation today, about renewing my mind as an individual, a friend and especially as a leader!-managing my expectations and God's image.

Please please please Yeo Xue Ni, don't set too high a target for others and expect them to fly there without you yourself reaching there first. LOL. i need to merely, talk less listen more, have a pure love for my friends and that's it! stop guessing people's heart and try to find the right word that will fit beautifully into their hearts like a jigsaw puzzle. i'm not God, this is God's job, not mine. so i got to just stay who i am, a steward, and watch my Master do His wonders! hah. Amen!

my 2nd revelation is about God's image! how wonderful it is to be able to know my Dad more! well, sometimes i do find it hard to "reach-out" or to "follow-up". i guess i was too caught up by all these terms and strategies. Yes, they are good and effective tools acquire by our pioneer leaders to make our lives now easier. but more than a formula, does my heart and soul commits? last time i'll have this "HAHAHA, i can reach-out" thought in my mind once i know a new person and will by all means get their contact. (BUT, i've already repented. LOL) but just how many people have stayed because of this?-NONE!

Come on, our God is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient! didnt we know all these? then why do we have to desperately chase after souls and feeling terrible all the time about attendance?! our God is the most attractive Person that we don't even need to promote or advertise! yes, we would love to share the gospel, but not slog through the gospel! people will just naturally be attracted to us and want to know more of "the secret to our successes and happiness" that all bookstore and library shelves hold which will never go obsolete. HAHAHAH. so why be so stressed? Relax! it is important, but do it together with God.

Amen!

"No oxen means you have very little mess in your life but you'll also not enjoy increase, expansion and abundance.
Many oxen mean great increase, but also bigger mess. We must be prepared to clean up the mess people make sometimes- not to complaint about it, criticize them but clean it up. Say sorry for others, put things right and move on." According to Pastor Phill.

thank God for these big messes in my life over the years man! (i sound like a saddist)

i must admit that my heart frustrates, angered, irritated, hurts, cried in pain each time i was sent to the wilderness. and every next wilderness, it get tougher! just like playing some games, i got leveled up! LOL.

however, each time when i cried before God, He patiently heals my wounded heart and allows me to have greater understanding of His heart-He's more interested in my character than my comfort. Because He knows i can be the solution, that's why He had sent me. What a previllage to be sent to the wilderness by God!

Jia you jia you, i will make a difference for my family! =)

I Miss You

i was reading all my friends' blogs again, all at a shot, like i always used to. this time round, i tried to click on one which had been shut to private for a long time. i'm not sure i was just having the "try my luck" attitude to see if it'll be available for me again, but i'm certain that i do care very much, that's why i bother to try. i miss her so badly.

nevertheless, like i always used to, i am upset after reading those post. i feel, i'm the one that made her leave, i'm the one that disappoints her, i'm the one that is hypocritical that she had complaint about all this while. i cried when i told Joel about this, my heart feels heavy with much guilt. probably i'll need to clarify my thoughts with Darryl soon. i really miss her.

i miss you, Van.

My Precious Friend, Val

Opening the envelop to realise it's these photos really racked up a strong sense of nostalgia. I really missed those times we used to stay up the whole night to give each other mock exam, make birthday cards for our cell mates, rush for bell and service together. We practicaly stick to each other everyday! Hah. And finally we've graduated. She was awarded the Best Art Student and myself, Top 10 in School at the Speech Day. I still remembered we weren't allow to receive the awards initially due to our informal outfit. Then, we pushed to the backstage, borrowed uniform from our juniors. Lol. And these pictures were taken then.

I really miss her. :)

My Greatest 18th Birthday! Thanks to All of You =)

i had the greatest birthday ever year!

although i had celebrated my birthday with mountainous of books on the actual day, but the following celebrations were good.

i wasnt excited about my birthday at all because of Ong's influence. hah, she kept saying it's A levels, very sian, dont have the mood to celebrate and i was feeling the same way too initially.

at 12am of my birthday, my phone kept ringing! it was calls from all my dearest friends who stayed up especially wanting to wish me Happy Birthday at the first second! they made me feel so excited about my birthday!

Geo spent three days making a beautiful present for me (according to her, but i haven receive it. LOL!)

Pearly baked cheesecake for me (although it melted, so she threw it away. =( actually i don mind eating the melted cheesecake. i think she must be realy disappointed. sigh. =(

Val planned a birthday surprise party together with her family to celebrate with me, plus her self-made strawberry cheese cake! (her first time making cheesecake, and she don normally especially plan any party for anyone!)

Joel, Geo, Mei Yan and kiat treated me to Swensens'!! LOL.

thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks!!!!!!!!!!! i just cant write enough to express my appreciation.

thank you all for making me feel special.

i love u! =)

looking back, i felt i've grown so much. longer dwelling in self-pitiness or creating unnecessary problems like how i used to when i was much younger. since when have i become so brave? HAHAH.

well, i've beening thinking, or rather, be reminded of a certain area of my life that i've been trying to ignore all these while. don worry, i just praised myself, so i'm not going to get emo. LOL. just think that i still have not had a clear stand in my heart. i wont escape, but i just wanna put it aside first and focus on more important things like A levels, w372 family, my family and God. but nevertheless, he is someone really precious in my heart, a friend that i cherish. i just cant give enough to thank him for sharing his family to me when i needed the most in the past.

had a great time with Jeff on Mon. this really changed the impression i used to have about him. haha. i really enjoyed his company for the lst time. lol. cos i feel we have this connection and it's not a one-way conversation anymore. he'd grown so much, so proud of him!! but i still cant stand the part where he tried to link himself and i together, as in we're dating. LOL. he said, " baby, i'll love u and cherish you...." and stuffs like that to me, looking into my eyes. well, though it's just a demostration from him, but i felt kinda disgusted, i wanted to burst out laughing so much! don get me wrong, it's not him dat is disgusting i must clarify, i just feel uncomfortable. he told me he's desprate to get himself a wife now. well, i hope he don ever target me! hahah.

in the midst of preparing for A'levels now. left with barely 50 days, jiayou! don ever limit God's abundant wisdom Xueni! =)

Proverbs 22:13 ‘The lazy man says, “there is a lion outside! I shall be slain in the streets!”‘.

The unwilling have no faith. Courage comes to the willing hearted. There’s always a way through but the lazy soul, the unwilling spirit will never find it.

How selfish is the lazy heart! If there was a lion, we should go out & slay it. ‘Solve the problem”‘. Don’t make it an excuse for inaction. The lazy person is more concerned about themselves than others.

The lazy person invents problems that don’t even exist to excuse themselves from work. Jesus told us to release ‘workers’ into the harvest because people who work hard will reap the harvest & destroy the devils work in the process.

Romans 8:5 ‘For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.’

Here is one of the simplest keys to living an extraordinarily powerful life. – If you think about the Holy Spirit you will live in the Spirit. Incredible!

You will live in the ’spirit’ of what your mind dwells on. If you think on the things of flesh you’ll live there. Think flesh – live flesh – death. Thnk Holy Spirit – live spirit – life & peace. What is your mind set on?

You think about what you watch, listen to, read, write & speak. This shapes our thinking. Be careful what you hear!

Put you mind on the Spirit, the Word, God & the visions you have for God & you’ll walk in the Spirit & His power.

Lets go to work!



As i was browsing through the net to get some motivations to start cracking, i founded these on Pastor Phil's blog.

well, this shouldn't persist, while it is good to read from their revelations to have greater understanding, the excitement comes from inside out and not always the other way round!

Pastor Jeffrey, from Indonesia, once shared during Leaders' Meeting on Self-leading. in order to leader people, which includes our leaders, we need to first lead ourselves WITH EXCELLENCE!! well, have i achieve that? Am i doing and working hard enough to achieve that?

recently, there are lots of things which bother me-member's well-being, cell attendance, rate of revision, personal growth.

i guess, because i love Darryl very much, just as the others, i really wanna give her a surprise when she comes back. the only thing i can do now is taking good care of all my friends in the cell, giving them this sense of "togetherness" so that they wouldnt wanna leave this place anymore. this is greater than any material gifts i can buy with money.

this period when Darryl isn't around, the greatest thing i've learnt is UNITY. not only have i learnt to break off that appalling impression i used to have with joel, i've learnt to obey and support his leadership. he not just someone God placed over me, but Darryl. He's the representation of Darryl. i wanna protect our family. thank God for that.

well, in the midst of fighting this spiritual battle together with all my friends from the cell, i have to learn to revise for A levels with God's unlimited wisdom and understanding. to draw down His revelations for the subjects that will be tests and not just in normal daily life. another word, is to apply God into my school life. there shouldnt be a separation of school life and church life in the first place. yea, learning to "chew and walk at the same time".

Let's focus our thoughts towards the Holy Spirt, the Word, God and His visions on us!

The greatness in a dream is how many dreams that it holds!

I'm Deprived of Quality Time!!

Jia you JIa you JIa you for A's!

yea, since i've decided to mug for this last lap of my A levels race, let me not compromise! i must admit that i'm quite upset for not able to join my friends for fellowship, to chill out and stuff. feel so deprive of talking to Geo, SY, Pearly, Meilin, Van, Ee Ling, Darryl, Gab, so many so many so many people!!

i miss you guys.... =)

Little AH FAT Turning 1

FAT ah FAT. LOL so cute!!!!yea. in 2 weeks time our AH FAT is turning 1 year old!!!

this is really fast man! it seems like last week when i carried her for her 1st month celebrations. haha.

i think the one week of prayer meeting is cool. i got to catch up with Geo and Ying, really feel very glad. most of all, i learn new ways to pray as we pray together.



i feel i've learnt alot from Geo. her determination, simple faith and sincerity. IRON SHARPENS IRON, that's what our DA JIE-Darryl said. i was so insipred when Geo run all the way from Pioneer MRT to the church because she was late and the bus still wasn't there. really provoked in the positive way. it made me examine my willingness and brokenness again.



i love Geo. :)

Yesterday when i was having my quiet time, reading the bible, the Holy Spirit prompted me to read James. well, every verses there seemed to a reminder to me, but one pharse really hit my head hard, till now-"faith woithout works is dead". yea. i know this is a rather familar and popular pharses everyone uses all the time until the impact of it seems little. but this time round, it's different. i was very perturbed by it. i guess God really knows i'm troubled by my A's and He's telling me to stop worrying and start studying NOW! i realised, even i have a mountain of faith, but i don practise it, they are dead and cant accomplish anything. i really have difficulties focusing and studying. everytime the minute i flipped my book, i would be VERY sleepy or will start daydreaming. i think i really need a breakthrough for my studies.

anyway, in James, it gave me revelations on friendship and leadership as well. cos in the past few days, i don think i have been a faithful friend and leader after talking to darrly the other day. yea, but now my questions are answered.

Talentime

Finally, Talentime is over!! Net and i got 1wst runner up for our Vocal Group category. I'm really very glad that my natural family and spiritual Family were all there to support me. nevrtheless, i was still a little disappointed that a few of my best friends were not able to be there.

Thanks W372, u are the best!

well, finally God had came to redeem my friendship with Geo. we had a GREAT and LONG chat after cg on sun. i really misses those days that we would giggle about the tiniest joke and do crazy stuffs together. i'm so sorry that i didnt spend as much time with her these period. LOL. i will try to make it up and be a best friend to her. i love Geo! LOL.



Really got to thank God for such wonderful connect group that He has blessed me with all my best friends, jie jie and mei mei. HAHA. i felt Van and i are closer now as we became more understanding towards each other and consistantly pray for each other and be each others' pillar. thanks van!



certain things are definitely hard to let go and let God, and this is the time God is looking out for the most willing vessel, i want to be the one.

wow, just had my semi finals. LOL. net and i got in for finals!
i was quite nervous. i actually fogot some lines. HAHA. but i think we did not too bad.

God of my Refuge

i had been feeling sick for the past few weeks. i really hate being unwell. it made me feel weak and helpless.

during cgm today, we sang "my God is greater, my God is greater... God of my refuge..." and i uncontrollably allowed tears to roll down. i weeped. i cried to hard that i couldn't even sing, yet in my heart i'm singing so assuredly, "my God is greater, my God is greater... God of my refuge.."

life really is not an easy course to go through. when i was crying about my helplessness, the girls beside me were crying more aggitatedly than me. i guess they need God's healing too.

Great CGM

ok, just remembered i MUST post this which was supposed to be posted yesterday, but i was too drained out.

yesterday cg was G.R.E.A.T, GREAT man!! LOL. haha. the presence of God was so strong. i'm not sure if the others felt the same, i'm sure they do. lol. the joy was beyond words to describe. i really feel that God has assured everyone who needs that assurance and answer. Also, God has draw us back to this family again. LIke what Joel has visualised, i believe we can grow to 30 by August. i see the glimce of it now. I LOVE YOU, God.

Ang's Birthday

okay, this was Brace Ang's bday at Swensen's!! Dont you think we looked alike after the similar hair cut we had? LOL

Conversation with Jia

ok people, this is my super short hair and the right is slightly longer. the left is shortuper short hair. Basically, that's supposedly the style.

just went to visit Chime's granny at bedok and followed by a short catch-up session together with Jia Hui. apparently, Jia is in SOT now. LOL. i'm so proud of him.

we chit chatted a little and ended up in a leadership conversation.

Jia: "Xueni do you wanna be a leader next time?"

Me: "Yes"

Jia: "Who do you wanna lead?"

Me: "Definitely not Chin Por. HAHA"

*Chime made abit of noise as you know

Me: "probably delinquents? i have a heart for them. but i dont mind tertiary students. those easier to handle. LOL"

Jia: " i think being a leader is all about wisdom. Especially when you're placed in situations and that you're able to show Godly wisdom, then people will respect you."

Yea, it's always nice to hang around with Jia. i learn sometime new.







hah, this is my hsndsomne uncle i guess he's the most handsome man i've ever seen in my entire life. no joke. it's just that he a little older and plumber now. LOL.

FAT FAT

BAD Hair Cut

ok, i'm back after a week of dissapearence. LOL. just had a horrendous hair cut yesterday. i don't like it! :( it's too short. (sigh) bad mood bad mood bad mood.

SLEEPY

ok, let me update you with some current juicy news of myself before i passed out. LOL.


yea!! tommorow is Easter!! cant wait to watch the super funny drama. i've just gotten back my A' levels PW (Project Work) results. i've gotten a B for it. hmm, i was expecting an A, so i was kinda disappointed. ok, don digress. LOL.

i'm really very sleepy!! there seemed to be never ending workload, God, THANK YOU FOR STRETCHING ME!!! lol. tonight is another mugging night for me. i really got to pray to be more productive. though i'm really much productive now, but i'm sure there are more rooms for improvement.


in this moulding period, i feel so much stronger and focus now, praise the Lord.




as you can see, your dearest Yeo Xue Ni is super sweaty and smelly after her 2.4 NAFRA and BRACE ANG is trying to hug her!! oh no, gross. HAHA




































wow, we're so power, 9 people to one table. can you see, jocelyn, BRACE ANG and i were not sitting on chairs but metal rods. that's why we looked shorter, though partly it's because i'm short la. LOL





















this was taken after the PW exhibition. the girl beside me is my group leader Xing Ying and she's super naggy. LOL.

A "to be continued" Ending

yea. just spoke to Darryl ytd regarding the issue. well, it's a "to be continued" ending, which means I'll need to give DA JIE, God, "regarding party" and myself an answer when I'm ready and clearly sorted out my thoughts. this will most probably be after my A's, cause i don't wanna distract myself.

DA JIE told me to love myself more. I've always thought I've already overcomed my inferior complexity issue. LOL.

anyway, initially i was quite unsure, but after speaking to her, i felt better. i know where i'll be heading to, what am i going to expect and what am i exactly waiting for. however, i definitely need more time for other more "chim" issues and i cant deny that i still am thinking of this isssue when the pace slowed down. don worry, but i am really lightened and happier now.

here are some pics taken during my family outing. oh no, FA FAT really looks like a hamburger!!

random post

moving on with the fast pace of life, everything seems fruitful and filled. however, at night or when the pace has slowed down, i still cant deny that i'm thinking of certain issues. whatever it is, God and i know that this is a moulding ground for me. what a great news it is, though it can quite emotionally draining for this period. it's a GIFT from God.

i'm aiming to complete all the HW that i've owed by this weekend so that i can start my revision for common tests and A's. i'm getting the hang of it, though at times i still feel like voluntarily pass out on my bed (sleeping) the minute i reach home. but God is good, He reminded and prompted me to study first. i've never been as productive since JC life, and i know it's God who has given me strength to do whatever i'm doing now. praise the Lord.

easter is coming, our connect group is believing for 15 friends. i must also be faithful in inviting frens. lol. jia you.

Long-Term Investment

i see this as a long-term investment. just spoke to Darryl after cgm. i realised she has more faith in me than i do for myself. she kept imparting faith into me that i'll definitely be a great leader and i can feel a seed of vision to be a leader in my heart. most importantly, the investment i am talking about is "sacrifice". many things are just not the right time now and the only thing i should do is WAIT, which i think can be quite frasutrating, but this is just how God stretches me. how can i go if He hadn't told me to? confession really helps in conviction. i told Darryl, " i am very clear now that i still have so much room for growth, i do not want anything, especially this issue to stagnent or hinder me." after saying that, i was like, wow? was it really from me? yea, God will put His words into my mouth. i am affirmed that i'll be a great leader. ultimately, i trust God of our friendship.

yea, Easter is coming!!! woohoo!!! i'm going to invite all my classmates man. i really hope this will be a life changing easter for my family as well.

i learned something new

ok, just had my CGC meeting with DA JIE- Darryl, it was another convicting experience. She practically blows me off each time we meet.

she taught us how to pray, lead and have balance in life.

yea, i think i'm not being very wise to try to follow-up on the whole world with the abusement of my "unlimited SMSes". just do whatever God has callec me to is good enough, basically, don't be a busybody!

yes, i got to really plan my schedule. i have a week of hols, how am i going to fully utilise it with BALANCE? this is really challengings especially i still have the SIMUN to attend for full three days this march hols!

oh yes, updates on AH MENG's birthday celebration! though i didnt manage to hand him his present on that day itself, due to some annoying reasons, but i guess God had planned it. this chapter still ended off beautifully when we really took special care to protect it.

he asked me, "are you scolding me because you're angry or because you love me?" yea. he really means sense to me this time round, i have learned something new...

Thanks for Your Affirmation, God

sorry guys, my blog is not dead yet, just kinda busy lately.

recently i've been kinda invloved in organising events and playing leadership roles. it is not necessarily, "oh, i'm given this position to lead", but it's more of, "i want to inspire".

yes, i wasn't given any leadership roles in school, but i still bear this attitude of wanting to inspire.

just spoken to DA JIE- Darryl on sat, well it was really affirming. somehow i was affirmed once again of the things God has in mind for me-academically, spiritually, in relationship, in friendship and at home.

she had thought me to listen to people's voice and people's hearts without asking them, but just by observing. yes, this is kinda CHIM. lol. i mean, she didnt directly teach, but she just told me stories behind each person that we'd discussed and it was what i've learned and concluded from there-"learn to listen".

next thing is "balancing" i ought to have a balance in life, which i know i'm not really good at, somethimes. so she told me not to be over-helping, which i think i often will. ok, i'm learning and progressing. cant wait to see how God will transform me into this time round. HAA. He always surprises me!

and, special thanks to Van jie jie for being me my connect group to support me through. she's really one of the reason for me to hang on. she's constantly there to encourage me when i felt defeated. i told DA JIE, "somehow vanessa and i know each others' heart eventhough we don't talk to each other much" yup. i felt connected to her and feel so "sister" with her. probably one of the reason is, she really resembles me sister a lot. haha. i think she will make a pair of great friends with my sister. lol.

okay, in five days time it'll be our dearest AH Meng's birthday!! i am so excited. it is as if it's my birthday. lol. cant wait to present to him the present which i've searched for almost three weeks. ha. Sat will be a great celebration togehter with his cg members!!

Fred Up!!

first of all, let me apologise for posting such an angry post.

oh no again! another unproductive weekend for me! i need to rebuke that in the name of Jesus! i hate being unproductive. it makes me feel not only that i'm useless, and makes me feel oppressed with mountains of work! however, i cant deny that it's due to my laziness. yea, i'm a lazy procrastinator still.

i'm totally fred up with the report that i'm suppose to do. like, "what is Transparency and Regulations in Banking Practices of Ukraine?" does anyone has any idea? LOL.

ok, it's Sunday again and i didnt even touch any of my tutorials yet. i'm so dead. Oh God, save me!

well, forgetting those fred up issues, i have a good news to announce!
my DA JIE-Darryl is pregnant!! WOOHOO!! i'm so excited! cant wait to see the lovely baby in August!

Reports for this 2 Weeks of School

it's CNY eve, which means school has started for about two weeks. i tell you the workload is WOW! i cant feel more alive than this.

basically, my freak ong is in with me for this. we're signed up my our teachers for every supplementary lessons, every remediations, every tests and everything you can think of to aid us in our studies. LOL. the first week was overwhelming but the second one was more lax. i will only reach home at earliest, 1030pm everyday. and for your info, i wake up at latest, 5am every morning and sleep at earliest 130am. just too much work to bne done to fulfill my curfew from my DA JIE-Darryl to sleep by 12am. BUT... i am trying to adjust to fit into in, cause, my body is the temple of Christ. yea.

i cant feel more alive than this man, it's tough and seems mission impossible for everyone, which includes myself, but i just know i cant be closer to God than now. i know if He doesnt turn up in my everyday life i would be doomed! SERIOUSLY! He's just so great! and every night, i will only sleep when i've heard from Him in my quiet time, cause i need Him every single second of my life. i can truly understand what Darryl was experiencing with God in her adolescence days now. she said, she knew if God doesnt turn up everyday in her life, she'd be doomed. just like me now!

recently i've received so weird responses from my pals.

from one of my good friend from church: total ignored. i think she's angry with me which puzzled me, but i still love her very much , don worry. i know God will handle it.

from the freak and blur cork ang: lots of love during CNY. LOL. they bought CNY goodies to my place! really appreciates them!

from my pal, ah meng: "you're the one who have neglected me" (in a joking tone) lol. i thought it was really funny, cause it sounded really gay to heard it from him. HAHA (no offence)

SUN is Powerful!

woohoo, school's reopening in 3 days time. i've decided not to waste my youth at young! (as what Darryl has prompt) so i'm going to act cute and tie two pony tails to school to try it out for the first week of school. HAHA.

oh no, one disaster, i haven't even written my name on my hols homework! dead, i'm going to be so dead. God, i guess you're laughing at your irresponsible YEO XUE NI right now and thinking, "don't pray to me to help you. I won't." LOL. okay, got to really work hard from now on. (though it was what i usually say and still not done)

another plan: to form study group with mugger meng and some of our other friends? like, Jeff? people who are interested, please call me. HAHA. why form study group? cause i want to be good girl and obey God and Darryl's words. plus, i want my breakthrough with God and i still need to rise up man!! yea.

some words for thoughts now. the interview of Sun two weeks ago really impacted me. i tell you, it inspires, motivates and most importantly, it made me, this famous procrastinator, work!! LOL.

Sun: "i get really frustrated when i fear."

yea. me too

Sun: "the people in Hollywood are really really hardworking, creative and talented. they are all passionate in whatever they are doing. so we got to be humble and learn from them."

yea, even top music people who are so talented are working really really hard for their passion, the more i should be because of God!

Pastor Kong: "how do you feel after you read those comments from the critics?"

Sun: "it depends on when i read it. sometimes i get angry and other times i laughed at it."

Sun: " initially i got really upset by them, but i just told myself i couldn't care about it. i only need to account to God."

well, her faith really impacted me. not even her husband that she tries to please, but God. and she's definitely not any hypocrites. she's really frank.

Pastor Kong: " some members would like to play a part in the humanitarian works that you are doing, but they are afraid they will have no time for it. how can they help?"

Sun: "well, you'll always make time for what is important to you."

oh yes! that is it man! powerful statement! yea. stop all procrastinations.

jia you Xueni! i can Ace my A levels!!