The Bet

This morning, I really have the urge to leave this place, this house, leave him. However, there just seem to be a strength that's holding me back each time i have the same thought. In the end, i stayed. I guess, i really love him.

At times, he will make me really mad, while he just expects me to forgive he each time by just saying this insignificant word-sorry. However, yet i'll still stupidily forgive him each time. The power of love, i guess.

Today i asked his mum for opinion on if i should leave him. She told me it's a bet. The bet is on if i will believe he will change for the better, but it would take a couple of years. Do i want to wait, or just end and stop waste my time and effort on this man. I knew my answer is to continue in the bet, because i love him, but i know i might have the urge to leave again the next time he make me really mad. Well, all i can say is, which couple don't bicker?

Why do i love him? I often ask myself. He has nothing. No money, no car, no house, no qualification. Neither is he hardworking nor dilligent. He has no definite goals in life. And actually he's really lazy. But just why would i fall in love with him? Maybe it's his cheerfulness? Or is it his kind heart? Well, to the others, he may seem unworthy to be with me, but the fact is, i'm the one that is unworthy. Cause the man really has a golden heart. He never despise anyone, even the bangaladesh workers in his dad's company. He still befriend them. I guess even for me, sometimes i'll think they are inferior as what the society has taught. Most importantly, i know he loves me much too.

I really love the watch him sleep! He behaves like a baby when he sleeps. I like to watch he dance along with the techno to irritate me. He looks really retarded. I think he looks really cute when he rise he eyebrows, open his eyes big, slant his a little amd smile to me to check if i'm alright.

I guess he loves me much too. When i'm hungry, he cooks instant noodles for me. When i'm ill, he feeds me and took care of me. When im naughty, refusing to eat the medicine, he threatens to inform my tigress sis. LOL. When i'm greedy, he accomodates me by buying them to me. When i'm lazy, he forces me to do homework. When i feel down, he comforts me. When i'm troubled, he just seat quietly and lent me a pair of listening ears till the whole night. when i cry, he wepts my tears for me and even help me to dig my nose when it's blocked! When i'm angry, he make me laugh using his silliness. When i feel alone in this world, he shared with me his wonderful family. He just shower me with much love each day, that's why he's special and i makes me stupidity forgive him each time he disappoints me.

I really love him.

1st PW Meeting-which gone CRAZY!!

Lol. Fun man! The meeting had just ended. initially it was all serioous and quiet, then, everything had gone crazy when i on the webcam and tried to take some pictures. HAHA. Well, so far, i really enjoyed having such a fun bunch of groupmates.

Confusions

For the past 1 week, there's many decisions swirling in my mind-should i transfer to Innova instead? But what if i manage to transfer there but i no longer stay in Woodlands? Should i just abandon all i have now and return to where i come from? I asked myself, "just what am i clinging on over here? I don belong here!"

Decision were made, I stayed. However, I just cant bring myself to trust him. He told me i should trust him, but they were too flirtish. Have u ever consider my thoughts, my feelings before you do anything? I just stupidily forgive you once and again everytime you failed me. Do u know it's actually a betrayal for you to talk to her so flirtishly. Though in your perception, as long as you didn't have sex with her, it is not any form of betrayal, but i'm telling you now, it is!


Definitions of betray
1.
to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty: Benedict Arnold betrayed his country.
2.
to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust.
3.
to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends.
4.
to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.
5.
to reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal): Her nervousness betrays her insecurity.
6.
to show or exhibit; reveal; disclose: an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern.
7.
to deceive, misguide, or corrupt: a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly.
8.
to seduce and desert.

You have left me not knowing what to do with you. Do you know that i actually don't want to behave like an unreasonable girl who throws temper at very little small things? And i'm actually not like what i am now? Neither was I petty nor unreasonable! Do you know that I know of your very own secrets? It something that you don even know of yourself-you don't love me but yourself-you didn't consider my thoughts or feelings before you made any decisions or attempt any actions. You just self-fishly think that "it's my life", yea. And now it'll be very soon. Cause I think I'll be leaving you very soon if this continues. You never know, probably one day when you wake up, I've been gone. And do you know what, I actually didn't want to leave, but you have left me with on choice.