2nd Week Of The New Beginning

Although i just had my 2nd cell group meeting with Gloria, the whole transfer thing still feels so unreal. it felt as though i have not gone to church for two weeks and there's a big part of my heart that is still very unwilling, but i'll perservere on and break myself to be willing.

i haven missed someone so much for a long time that i had really forgotten how it feels to "miss you badly", but right now, i really really misses Darryl very very much. it seems like a portion of my heart became quite empty and i'm like floating in the air. although i am given much more opportunities and i'm very glad and i'll definitely do my best to help Gloria, but i really cant help to feel this way still. i really miss Darryl.

for the first two weeks after Darryl broke the news to me, i couldnt sleep at all every night. and the thought of Darryl just naturally made my eye sour. i guess, that eventhough i don express it openly by asking her out or buying her gift and when people talked about how much the love Darryl, i'll just keep quiet and listen and i didnt really tell anyone about how much Darryl mean to me, i know i really love her very much. there wont be any right words to describe how much she mean in my heart.

as the news broke to the whole cg, people start to feel uncomfortable and needed comfort and affirmation. the supposed "more mature ones" tried our best to comfort the rest. but actually our hearts are bleeding and hurting not any lesser. we were each others buddy for the past three years. from 7 of us, we grew to 30 of us. eventhough most were transfered, i guess it's the cg's faithfulness and love that we were entrusted with the people. we also grew spiritually, mentally and emotionally together. we made mistakes together, get scolded together, laughed together, acted as if we were professionals during every year's highlight - Darryl's bday, Christmas Drama Outreaches, Appreciation Lunch, Makeup Outreaches. we grew from "severely wounded hearts and life" get heal, start serving and now, into strong and mighty helpers. and many times previously, we had much miscommunication and would be really angry with one another, but it wont last more than an hour, because we really love each other. now, to leave Darryl and my buddies, i'm really very upset and there will not be anyone to comfort me and still i'll have to make sure the rest are ok. well, walking the walk is defeinitely not easy and can get quite lonely at times.

since the start of this year, i've prayed prayers to God to mould me into someone that can be Darryl's armor barrier. for the past few weeks, i will ask God, did He made a mistake? but i know He has His higher ways and i'll obey with the best attitude that i can. i'll constantly remind myself to "bring Darryl to N395", to represent Darryl in my new cg. yup. and actually my desire is to "graduate" from Darryl's cg before i have my own CG just ike Chloe. i think it's really a previliage and i cant help, but to envy John and pearly. well, if Darryl needs any helper, i will be the first to volunteer myself! hahaha.

ok, after so much of pouring, self-pity-ing and self-comforting (LOL) i'll really do my best and i trust in God that He will reveal His greater plans to me soon. yea. jia you jia you!